Worthy?

Bed rest definitely has its ups and downs. I find it easy to become depressed and upset with my situation. A lot of it (if not all of it) comes from my inability to do all the things I consider important. I feel useless, purposeless, and worthless at times. After all, what is someone worth when all they can do is sit on a couch confined to their own house?

With so much time on my hands I find myself tempted to search for my worth in my looks sometimes: "If I just fix my hair a little and put some makeup on, then I'll feel better about myself and my situation." And then I realize what a pointless and hollow pursuit that is (not to mention the fact that I am alone in my house all day so no matter how much effort I put into seeking out beauty I'm the only one who sees it - yes, I am a smart one).

Other times I search for it in my actions, whether it be in doing something around the house or something for my husband: "If only I was allowed to do this small thing, then I'd feel more important and better about my situation and all would be well."

Whatever it be that I search for worth in, I've noticed it's always about me and what I'm capable of doing. My looks make me worth something, my abilities make me important, it's me that gives me worth. Wrong!

My life's worth is not in me, because I am so unworthy. I am a person who was made out of the dust of the earth by God. I am a body whose beauty is fleeting. I am a sinner who chose to rebel against God, to shake my fist at His perfection and spit on His goodness.

I am not worthy, but Jesus Christ is and He called me to Himself. He pulled me out of the murky pit of sinfulness and washed me clean. He redeemed me for His purposes and His glory, because He is worthy – not me.

I will never find my worth in my self – not in my looks, not in my ministry, not in my job as a homemaker or wife. I need to see myself in the light of the gospel as the wretched sinner I am, and then look upon Jesus as the merciful, wonderful, perfect God He is and realize that He is the one whose worth I should focus on. He is my Savior and He is worthy – far more worthy than I can even begin to fathom.

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him...”

Colossians 1:15-22